Oh the expectations a mama can pour on her child in public situations. I know my son, as his mother I would suspect I know him better than most anyone. I know his highs and his lows. I know how amazing his attitude can be, how hard he can make me laugh with his silly faces and his loving snuggles. I also know how repulsive his attitude can be, how frustrating he can be when he is in "one of his moods." How the poor dogs run and hide because he still has yet to discover the correct way to interact with them without being WAY too rough. I know how he ticks basically. So when I am out and about with him I do expect him to be on his BEST behavior. I want others to adore my child and see him through my eyes. But there are the times when he is anything but that "best behavior child."
Lately with all these changes he has been acting out a lot more than normal. So you can understand why I would be a bit reluctant to get his daily reports from his preschool. I know his energy level is off the charts, even for a two year old. So today when I picked him up I took a few minutes to speak with his teacher. As I feared, his first two days were rough. His ability to keep his hands to himself out of sheer excitement and probably frustration were seriously lacking. While she promised he is improving and adhering to their rules, today he spent the majority of playtime in the "thinking chair" due to an altercation with another child over a toy. I could feel my face flush. I started spewing any excuse I could muster as to explain this horrid behavior that is NOT tolerated at home either. Attempting to assure the teacher that I was indeed a good mother and that we were raising him to not act that way.
This wonderful teacher could see the frustration and embarrassment that was plastered all over my face. She took my hands, looked me straight in the eyes and declared that it was "okay." Every child goes through difficulties with major changes in their lives and that despite his behavior they are working through it and learning each other and that the LOVE him regardless. Her comforting words, touch, and look helped to calm my fears and it took everything I had not to just collapse in tears.
Even with this though I still feel shame. I always declared I would be that mother who's child was just that angel. The one every teacher wanted in their class. That "dream child" you hear everyone describing. But Jaxon, well Jaxon has a strong personality, a quick temper like his mother, a stubborn attitude too. He has his daddy's energy level and LACK of attention span. But you know what else he has.. he has his mother's heart for others and his fathers athletic ability. I have to remind myself that EVERY child has their good days and bad. There is no "dream child." Beating myself up as a mother and feeling inadequate isn't the way to go about it at all.
I often wonder if Mary had this "terrible two" situation with Jesus. Can you imagine? He had to have been that "dream child." The one that never fought over bedtime, or refused to brush his hair.I wonder if she had the same fears as a mother of how he would be when in public or on his own without her personal supervision. Or did she do as God instructed and trust in her training, in her ability to be a parent based on the truth God instilled in her which she portrayed to Jesus.
God said in His Word :
"Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
And gosh darn it through all the tears and frustrations, I will train my child how he should be trained. That his hands are made for being kind, this mouth for speaking words of encouragement, and that his heart should be focused on loving the Lord first so then he can love others. And most importantly, I must trust in God's decision to entrust Jaxon in my care. He knows what He is doing and I will continue to pray that He will use me to train my child through these hard times and changes that are happening in our lives.
